Because obviously not everyone is aware, please see the following.
1. Don't wear nude panty hose. Unless you're planning to incorporate jazz hands into your daily routine, ditch the nylons. We know that shade of flesh is only achievable if you're Snooki. It's time to stop holding on to you dance recital dreams.
2. Don't let your child be a dietitian. "Susie will only eat chicken nuggets and lucky charms." Apart from a serious lack of fiber (hopefully there's some prune juice hidden in her magically delicious mix) she's also missing out! Who's the genius that decided to let a 2 year-old create their own meal plan anyway? Didn't she just eat her own boogers?? Tell Suz what's for dinner and every one's lives will be easier in the long run. SIDEBAR: Unless she has food allergies, then for christsake get an Epi-pen Jr. and give her the damn lucky charms.
3. Don't bring your frozen, 1-year old wedding cake to work if you're going through a divorce. It's obviously a cry for two things: A- help B-crazy alarm. Throw it in the trash, feed it to your cats, give it to a homeless man. The office fridge next to my Trader Joe's sparkling lime water is not the proper place.
4. Don't invite other people to a dinner to which I have invited you. If I am paying then I pick who comes and who doesn't. I don't care if you are my client and are ghetto and you expect me to kiss your ass. Get some fucking manners. You know that shit would not fly at your house.
5. Don't buy farm-raised seafood. It's gross and freaks me out.
6. Don't live your life on facebook. If you have created more than ten facebook albums this year, I am talking to you. If most of these albums regard your children, start a blog for family members only. Other than may-be, MAY-BE, your mom, no one gives a shit if Tommy takes a shit.
7. Don't think that life is fair. It's so not. People's sense of entitlement is overwhelming, and I'm not just saying that because I listen to Rush Limbaugh. I see it within my personal circle almost daily. It's sad really. My advice? Stop being lazy and figure your shit out. But look on the bright side, at least you're not the still poverty stricken actress from Slumdog Millionaire. Too much?
8. Don't miss the chance to tell someone you love them, even if they already know you do. I love you, Wes! You'll probably be the only person to ever read my BS blog!
9. Don't believe stereotypes, even though 90% of them are 90% accurate 90% of the time.
10. Don't hate me because I am beautiful. Keep reading my blog and sooner or later you'll find a better reason.
