You're freaking me out here

Since I know I have so many people that read/know about this blog (may-be 3?), I know I'll get some great feedback on my latest issue.

Lately I have been SMELLING in my dreams.  I don't just mean that I had a dream I was walking through a garden and smelling lovely flowers.  What I mean is that I wake up in the middle of the night to the SMELL of cigarette smoke in our room and immediately FREAK OUT because we are non-smokers and obviously a nicotine addicted rapist has come into the house to send me to therapy for the next 30 years and possible give me herpes.

The smoking smell instance has happened twice over the past few months.   Another unpleasant occasion involved me waking up to the smell of urine.  In this instance I woke up ready to beat my dog as clearly based on the potency of the smell, he had just walked over to the floor vent and taken a leak.  Upon further inspection, I realized that sweet little Frank was in fact shut in the bathroom fast asleep on his bed, not a trickle in sight.

The third smell I experienced was the smell of bacon being cooked in the kitchen.  This time Randall was home, so naturally I assumed my darling fiance was slaving over the stove preparing to serve me breakfast in bed.  When I rolled over to smile and stretch, to my shock it was 4:00am, still dark, and he was snoring away.  OMG. 

It's exceptionally weird to me because prior to waking up to these smells, I have no recollection of what I was dreaming about.  I can offer possible explanations for all three instances based off my current life situations and I will just for the sake of my sanity, hope they apply. 

Smoking Dream: I hate cigarette smoke.  Let me clarify that in case you didn't understand, I HATE CIGARETTE SMOKE.  My office of 25 people has no less that 10-15 smokers all of whom reek of second and third hand smoke.  (Can we just talk about how astounding it is to me that 50% of my office is either too ignorant, lazy, or addicted to quit?)  Until recently I had daily instances of smoke piping through the vent in my office due to people smoking too close to the building and a shitty HVAC system.  I filed a "formal complaint" with my boss and voila, we are now a "smoke-free facility".  Does it still smell?  Yes.  Has it gotten better?  Yes.  Do I still fear for my life? Yes.  Is there shit I can do about it?  No.  C'est La Vie, bitches.  This is what I must have been dreaming about, right??

Urine Dream: Randall is a dog whisperer, and by dog whisperer I mean he is equally if not more stubborn-willed than my bulldog and has no problem waiting patiently until his commands are followed (he is also really strong and can pop Frank's butt harder than I can).  Randall has informed me many times that I did a crap job (pun intended) of housebreaking Frank as he is 3 years old and still has accidents in the house.  Based on the amount of times I am on my hands and knees cleaning up piss, I must agree.  I will also attribute this to the fact that Frank is smart enough to know that we will always clean up after him and he will still get fed (his only motivation in life) regardless of how many times he messes on the laundry room floor, so if he's gotta go, fuck it- He's going.  It's always a surprise if he has made you a surprise.  This is what I must have been dreaming about, right??

Bacon Dream: Bacon really does make everything better.  If you don't believe me, ask Jim Gaffigan.  It is the meat candy and what self respecting carnivore wouldn't want to wake up to the smell of bacon.  Bacon is also a comforting smell to me because it's something that we cook on special mornings (Christmas, birthdays, thanksgiving, WEEKENDS!).  Since Randall was home for this occurrence, I must assume that I was feeling cozy, comfortable, and happy to smell bacon.  Also I am pretty sure that Randall dreams of meat every night, so perhaps his visions transferred to my brain via osmosis.  This is what I must have been dreaming about, right??

If you or anyone you know has an olfactory support group I can join, please let me know.